It’s that lovely bit of time a little after lunch where I am drinking hot tea and enjoying the fact that I am full. A moments pause in my near endless contemplations of what to eat, how much of it to eat and when to eat it. Working mostly alone and often from home, days can feel loose and unstructured and distinctly lacking in fellow human behaviour to mirror or echo. And so my hunger cues are at the mercy of my mood, which lately can be a little wild - damn you peri menopause. I find the best way to cope with this is to make sure that I have food to hand that is easy to prepare and appealing - recently I have got much better at cooking more in preparation for these lonely unanchored lunches.
On Saturday night we had a tray baked supper. My general order of events for such dishes is this: oven on 180c fan. Potatoes washed and prepped, plonked in large roasting tray and liberally dressed with extra virgin olive oil, salt & pepper. This first task normally takes me up to the oven being up to temperature and so in the potatoes go…on with the other vegetables… On Saturday I broke a small cauliflower into evenly sized florets, keeping the leaves. Next parsnips, peeled, topped and tailed, thin stalk like end cut just below the more bulbous section and left whole when small and cut in half lengthwise when larger, the bulbous section being quartered, with one particularly large one having much of its core removed and discarded as it was old and woody. I also halved a leek down its length from top to root, holding just shy of cutting through the root stem so that the leek would stay in one piece while I rinsed it under the tap. Once clean I chopped it into quarters along its length - effectively 8ths as I have already halved it lengthways.
At this point in the proceedings the potatoes had enjoyed their extra bit of cooking and were ready to be joined by their fellow vegetables. You can stop here recipe wise, or you can wing off merrily with your own additions. On Saturday I added the vegetables to the hot potatoes in the roasting tray, which had enjoyed about ten minutes necessary cooking, and also added some dried thyme, smoked paprika, whole unpeeled garlic cloves and a little more salt and pepper. This all gained a good mix around before I laid my supremes on top, giving them a gentle oiling and a good dose of seasoning. Thirty minutes later dinner was ready, we had it with some steamed broccoli, to add colour and texture to the plate.
On other occasions I have added the vegetables, returned all to the oven to cook for a further 10 minutes before next adding a block of feta, previously diced and tossed in a little oil with herbs and spices - the same can be done with tofu. On occasion I add fish at the same point, returning everything to the oven for an extra 10-15 minutes until it is all cooked to my liking - by which I mean tofu crisp, feta softened and coloured, fish lightly coloured but still juicy and moist inside.
This all leads nicely back to my lunch. Today I had a left over supreme with a few of the potatoes from the tray (all the other veg had been irresistible while still hot). To this I added a big handful of rocket, some pickled beetroot and capers, roasted peppers and crispy chilli oil (these last 4 all jarred products and larder staples). Alongside I had 4 oat cakes and a pint of water. See pic above for the finished bowl of food.
Much of the cooking I do these days follows similar lines. I do more and more deliberate over cooking (I guess that you could call it batch cooking, although I don’t then eat the exact same thing day in day out, I like to ring the changes) last nights supper being another example…
Last week I had a slow roasted pork dish on the Friday Food Delivery menu and I deliberately cooked more pork than was ordered. I also kept the last little bit of curry sauce that went with the pork and the half portion of Pumpkin Curry that was also left over. When last nights dinner time came, I sliced some of the cooked pork and put it in a small roasting tin, covered with foil and into a hot 180c fan oven. At the same time I put a large baking tray in the oven and after 5 minutes took it out and put some fat oven chips in to cook. After 10 minutes I started to warm through the left over curries together in the same pan (they work well as a cocktail of sauces) and after they had been simmering away for 10 minutes I added a half bag of spinach. Once the spinach had wilted the pork and chips were ready. Seriously tasty dinner. We still have a little sauce and plenty of pork and so this evening I will be stir frying the pork, cut into strips, with an onion and some pak choi. I will add the remaining sauce to the pan and some stock to help it go further. I will separately cook some egg noodles. When I taste the sauce, if it is feeling a little thin then I will add some peanut butter, soya sauce and a dash of fish sauce (who am I kidding? I shall be doing this anyway). I may still be full from lunch, but I am also very much looking forward to supper…
Last week I spent two days on a writing retreat. A rare treat and indulgence for me and one that I thoroughly enjoyed. How to Cook a Book is a two day workshop led by journalist, food writer, podcaster and all round enthusiast Gilly Smith in her house The Acres, which sits comfortably between Lewes and my kitchen in Muddles Green. It was a wonderful time of writing while being cooked for, structured moments and expert zoom panels, dream writing and lots of discussion. With Gilly was the remarkable Elisabeth Luard, botanical artist and food writer, who led us in a recipe writing workshop that has led in turn to me writing this piece. You can find both Gilly and Elisabeth here on Substack.
When our daughter was first diagnosed with cancer I did what I always do when presented with a new context to wrap my head around, I looked for a book to read and I couldn’t find a single one. I had hoped for a memoir/guide book from a parent who had experienced what we were about to go through, and ever since discovering this lack (which may well have been corrected since) I have wanted to write one myself. This was 13 years ago now, and so my impetus to write has changed and morphed over time. When I arrived at Gilly’s last Tuesday I wasn’t sure what I would produce over the next day and a half. I certainly had no expectation to come away as I did, with a complete framework for my writing, a structure for a book and a list of chapter headings.
Part of my conflict and confusion over writing the story of food and childhood cancer that I have written elements of constantly in different forms over the last decade and a bit, was a feeling that I didn’t want to go back there coupled with an intense sense that it wasn’t my story to tell - it was my daughters. What a short burst of supported and concentrated effort has shown me is the form that the storytelling will take that makes it a story of my own.
In answer to a series of questions that Gilly began our retreat with I ended up with the following statement outlining what I want to write and why, I am sharing it here in the spirit of accountability but also in hope of hearing what you might think. I am looking forward to sharing a sample chapter with you soon too…
I want to celebrate the comfort that can be provided by food, the joy and hope and also the love that can be communicated through it.
Retelling particular food related aspects of my lived experience caring for a critically ill child through long treatment for cancer. How this experience ultimately provided me with the opportunity to build my business (this is my story, not my daughters). How deep diving into the immigrant food of London’s many villages in a bid to recreate the flavours I had missed since leaving has led to the food I make and share and offered me huge comfort and pleasure through an awful time. Food successes outshining high anxiety and dread.
Food saved my sanity. At a time when everything else that I relied upon fell away and abandoned me, food was the lifeline that anchored me and drew me, ultimately, back.
Healing as seen through the evolution of my business – from kitchen table and pram to professional set up.
I will share anecdotes and small/short story telling and recipes.
I want to help people eat good flavourful food prepared with ease at home.
I want to empower people in their home kitchens with elements of the tricks and skill sets I have acquired that have allowed me to develop my food business from kitchen table to purpose fitted business premises.
I want to speak to people going through challenges and prove there is a way through.
I want to teach people – to carry the work I do in workshops out onto the written page.
Please do give feedback in the comments below, I find it so very helpful. Please also take the time to click the ‘heart’ if you have got this far and enjoyed what you have read - this helps me gain traction on the platform and if I want to get a publishing deal, I need traction! This is a path I have been on for a long time now and it is hard to convey how great it feels to know that I now know what I want to write and how. While I am piecing it all together I will be putting together a proposal first to secure an agent, second to secure a publishing deal - both things said in hope not expectation!
With much love,
Chloe x
It was such a wonderful time with you, Chloe. I'm sure that you'll write a really important contribution to parents' understanding of childhood cancer with beauty and compassion.
Ooh a book. That's so very exciting